Days of Old

Closer to you Lord (day2)

I thought it would be cool to let you see how I go about writing a song, so this will be an on going file for a while. I may not post everyday, in fact it could be a long time before I ever work on this song again, thats just the way it works with me, not everyone does it this way but this is my way.

Closer to You Lord

What I did this morning 9-15-11

Water Off of Your Shoulders

The Idea behind this song is, this is John the Baptist when he is baptizing people in the river and the religious leaders come down.

God doesn't always call us to be happy in what he calls us to do.

    It's no secret that I love music and that I feel that is what God has called me to do. I realize that it will be on His terms and his time. I may never play in front of a single person again, but I will always continue to play for God!
    If you follow me on FaceBook you know that I am not happy with my job. Those of you that don't know, I am a security officer at a hospital. I have been doing some type of security work for the last ten years. I let it take me to a place in my life where I became a bad person. When I left my last job at Wal-mart, I was glad to get out of security. After a few weeks of unemployment I was cutting grass one day and I prayed for God to get me a job. That after noon I got a Job where I currently work and back in security. The job is very stressful to me. I don't want to go back to being the man I was back at Wal-mart and to be honest, most of the time, the job is BORING!
    Lately I have been really stressed out and begging God to let me move on. (and yes really hoping it would be in a worship position) But I know that this is where God wants me to be right now. I constantly struggle with my old self. I recently had a patient try to strike me and I had to do my job to protect my self and the others I work with and I did it with authority. I hated it! I do not like that side of me any more.
    A couple of days later I was working in an area with the same type of patients and really feeling the stress and begging God for relief. God spoke to me and told me to turn to Jonah. I read all four chapters and discovered something, Jonah wasn't happy in the whale OR even when he did as God had told him to do. I have never found out what happened to Jonah after God teaches him a lesson with a fast growing and dieting bush but I did realize one thing. God called Jonah to be obedient. He never promised that Jonah would like what he had to do.


Living in Faith,
Todd

Luke Taylor Norris

    I have been blessed with many friends in my life. Kelli and I have been touched by some of our friends. One couple that we never get to see enough is David and Christy Norris. They are two of the strongest Christian friends I know and you can tell how much they love each other by just being around either one of them.
    As I got to know David by serving on a ministry team with him, I got to know him personally. One day, his Wife, Christy, knocked me off my feet with a story about one of their children and how a special boy touched David so much that Luke Changed his Daddy's life.
    The story that follows is the life of Luke Taylor Norris and how he changed his dads life and lead him to the Lord. The story is written by Luke's mom, Christy.
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On June 10th I went to my OB for a routine check-up. I had been experiencing swelling, but it was summer and I was 37 weeks along, so it seemed par for the course. I met with my Dr. and he seemed a little concerned and said that he wanted to get an ultrasound done to check on the baby. I had not had an ultrasound except for the early one to confirm pregnancy. (My insurance wouldn't pay for one since at that time that was seen as elective). So, I went downstairs to the a big room where I was not able to see the screen as the tech performed the ultrasound. I layed there for an hour and a half with no answers and lots of questions.

I went back up to see my doctor after the ultrasound, empty handed, no pictures, no fun looks at the baby's face or feet. I was scared and confused. My doctor came in the room and he was quick and rushed. He said that my baby may have a cleft lip and that he was sending me to a Fetal Medicine doctor in Greenville. I was shocked

I called David upset and told him of what was going on. He came home and we headed to Greenville to see Dr Greig at 2pm. I entered the room and the monitors were right where I could see them, in fact 2 of them right in front of us hanging on the wall. The technitian started the ultrasound. She instructed us that she could not answer any questions, but that she would tell us what we were looking at. She started the ultrasound and we immediately saw the cleft lip. It was very obvious. David and I looked at each other realizing what we both saw. But to our surprise, the technitian moved to the brain. She spent a good bit of time on it. Then she moved to the heart. There she spent most of her time. When she left the room, I immedately looked at David and said, "She spent an awful lot of time on the baby's heart."

Dr. Greig walked in and shook our hands and introduced himself. He had the kindest eyes and he was wearing a WWJD (what would Jesus do) bracelet. He sat down, took my hand in his and said, "I am very sorry to have to tell you this, but I am afraid your baby is not going to make it." All I remember is cupping my face in my hands and crying the hardest I have ever cried in my life. David stood up and embraced me, matching my despair with his own tears. After that, life seemed to go into fast forward. We had to make some very difficult decisions. The baby would not make it through the trauma of birth, Dr. Greig said. We had to decide whether to do a c-section or induce for a natural birth. I immediately said c-section. I'll never forget the tenderness he showed me when he said,"Having a c-section will not save this baby." We also had to decide whether or not to we wanted the nurses/ doctors to resesitate the baby if he dies. We were overwhelmed by it all, to say the least.

I begged Dr. Greig to let me go home to see my son and gather my things, but he insisted that I go straight to the hospital. I had been having high blood pressure and it was getting dangerously high. He compromised and said that if my blood pressure wasn't too high, he would let me go home long enough to get my things and to see Jake. He took my BP and it was 172/125. I went straight to the hospital. As soon as we got there we had doctors and specialists in and out of our room all night. A geneticist came in at about midnight to let us know what he thought was going on. He said that the baby probably had Trisomy 13. It is similar to Down's Syndrome in that there is an extra chromosome. In Downs it's in the 21st strand, in Trisomy 13 it's in the 13th. Unfortunately, Trisomy 13 babies almost never make it past the first trimester. And if they make it to term, they die during birth. Trisomy affects the development down the center of the body. Luke's brain didn't split into a left and a right side, his heart had 3 chambers instead of 4, and a slew of other problems effected his organs. Because of his heart defect, the baby would not be able to tolerate birth, much less life outside the womb. This is what we faced.

At around 11 am the next morning, I was dilated and ready to deliver. I have never wanted not to push so bad in my life. Normally after all that pain and labor, you get the reward of a living child. I was not to receive that. I wasn't ready. Push! Push! Everyone around me was trying their best to encourage me. Doctors, nurses, my husband were all waiting on me to go ahead with the delivery. I was afraid of not hearing the cry, being told my child is dead. I just wanted to go back to yesterday, when all was ok. I finally pushed and I hear a....cry, a loud baby crying. I look up thinking, they were wrong, he will be fine. I look to David and he shook his head telling me that he could see the things that the geneticist said to look for to confirm Trisomy 13. Luke had open spots on his head and a very clear cleft lip and palate. I couldn't see him through the doctors and nurses huddled around him. I so wanted to see this baby. He was alive and I felt so overjoyed. They finally bring him over to me and I can clearly see his brother in him. He looked just like Jake. He was a beautiful 4 lb, 9oz. boy, imperfections and all.

I was moved to the Mother/Baby Unit and Luke came shortly after. Our room was filled with family and friends. In fact, there was so many people, the nurses moved me to a much bigger room. Everyone held Luke. We didn't know how much time we had with him, so every moment was precious. My dad and step-mother made it in from Fl, my grandparents just happened to be in town from Cape Cod, Ma. Everyone got to see him. Later that afternoon, the nurses came and got Luke so that they could do a heart scan on him. They wanted to see what was going on with his heart. About an hour later, the nuses rushed in to get David, Jake and myself because they believed Luke was about to pass away. They ran me down the hall in my wheelchair, tubes and machines and all. We get to the NICU and Luke looked on the brink of death. They handed him to me and I talked to my sweet boy. I kissed him over and over and over. David did the same and we just waited. We waited for the end. As time went on, Luke pinked up and his heart rate went up. The nurses said that he just needed to be with his family and I carried him back to my room. No more tests for this boy.

The NICU doctor and nurses were in and out of our room throughout the day, checking on us and Luke. They were even going to teach us how to put in the feeding tube in on our own so we could take him home. Everyone left that night, except David's aunt and mother. They said that they would stay in case we needed them. We all rotated throughout he night holding this precious baby. Beyond his obvious defects, he acted just like a baby. He cried when he was wet, made little noises as he rested and he responded to our voice. It was difficult to know that death was around the corner.

At around 6am, I was sleeping and I felt David nudge me. I woke up and David said that he thought Luke was about to pass. David said that he had been praying and that he told God and Luke that it was ok for him to go and that he didn't have to hold on for us. At that moment Luke stopped breathing. Then, there would be a small breath and they became few and far between. We asked David's aunt and mother to leave the room and David and I held our special boy until he passed in my arms. At 6:35am, Luke joined Jesus. It was the most peaceful thing I have ever experienced. I watched as that little chest became still. No movement, no noise, just peace. David and I cried as we held our son and each other. It was so painful, but we also felt God's arms around us.

The nurses and doctors came and gave us as much time as we needed with Luke before we sent him back. We took fingerprints and footprints and countless pictures. It was so difficult to let go when it was time. Slowly, people left and David and I were alone. We layed in my bed and cried together. We talked and then, all of a sudden, we would cry again.

That afternoon, the NICU doctor came in and he had tears running down his face. He said," You both have inspired my whole staff. You have experienced a great tragedy, but yet you are hopeful and you give praise to God. I went home and told my wife at dinner about how you both are facing a difficult situation and yet you cling to God. You both have inspired us all. I just thought I'd share that with you." David and I were speechless. We mourned our son, yet people saw that we were not angry with God. We felt God's presence in all of it. He carried us through it all.

The day I was discharged from the hospital, Dr. Greig came to see me to release me. He sat on my bed and told me how fortunate I was to have a husband that cried with me and allowed me to see him hurt. He said that countless times in his field he has to tell a couple devastating news, and that he sees many men close up and be "the strong one," when all their wives want is to grieve with them. He said that David and I were blessed to have each other and to cherish what God has given us.

The funny thing is that David was not a believer when Luke died. He had a lot of questions about this God, but he was way too smart for that Christian stuff. If it couldn't be proven, then he was not buying. I grew up in the church, but had fallen out of my walk. Yet, when all of this began on June 10th 2003, David immediately saw God and his love, mercy, understanding, grace, peace,.... and David responded. We came home 2 days after Luke's death. We had his funeral and we gave God the glory.

Luke Taylor Norris' life served it's purpose on earth in 18 hours. He touched his mommy and daddy's hearts and we looked up, one of us for the first time, the other after years of looking away. Luke saved his father because David dedicated his life to Christ after that. He is a new man. Anyone who knew David before knows he is not the same person today.

I think of Luke often. I still cry at the thought of what could have been. Those things still go through my head and it still hurts. He would be almost 8 and I wonder what kind of boy he would have been. I can't wait to find out one day when I see him with the Father.

There are so many blessings in my story with Luke. If I had had an ultrasound with him at 20 wks., then I would have carried him knowing that he was going to die. Or, worse, the doctors could have wanted me to terminate the pregnancy. I never had a baby shower. Friends and family wanted to give one, but I wanted to wait until I had the baby so I could do pinks if it was a girl and blues if it was a boy. Because, I didn't have a shower, I hadn't decorated the nursery, so I went home to 3 packs of diapers and a bassinet.

Five months later, I was pregnant with Gracie. I had God's complete peace that what happened to Luke would never happen again. He has blessed us with 3 more children since that day. All healthy and all beautiful. We talk about Luke a lot and we all can't wait to meet him in heaven.

Whatever you may be going through, know that God is right there with you. He is ready to carry you and see you through the tough times, (as well as the good times). Turn to him, accept him and know that only He can offer you peace, hope, and understanding. There are blessings in everything, sometimes you just have to open your eyes toward Him to see them.

Christi

text message ministry

For a long time I have thought about how cool a text message ministry would be. I don't mean preaching to people by having big long life lesson sermons but a simple thing like being open to God and when someone from your life comes to your mind, you say a prayer for them and text them and let them know it.

Think of Christ first,
Todd

Three crosses around my neck

I love crosses. I use to think they were just a cool symbol to wear showing everyone that I believe in God. I guess I figured if they couldn't see it in my life style, they could see it around my neck.
I have a small collection of cross necklaces that I change out and wear from time to time. today when I woke, I looked at the necklaces on my side table, there were 3. Then it hit me, we have a choice everyday. (I know Christ hung on the cross so we don't have to but roll with me here.) We hang on the cross with Christ every day, we have the choice to be one of the 2 that hung with him that day. We can recognize Christ for who He is and ask Him to save us, or we can be the other and laugh at Him and tell him to save Himself.

Love for Christ,
Todd

I Need You

For a long time I fought God, didn't want any part of what I thought was a cruel and mean God. I even got to the point of throwing my fist to the sky and screaming out loud ,"I HATE YOU!"
    You see my problem was, In my eyes, God had taken everything away from me. I was a good rodeo Bull Rider and in one millisecond God put fear in me and I had to walk away from it. I was working a job that I let make me into a mean person, a dishonest person. I was so far away from my wife that I wasn't even sure if I loved her any more.
     Suddenly in that one moment of rage against my God, He started to talk to me. This didn't strike me as odd. I have experienced this many times, but the questions effected me in a life changing way.
     You see I was crying because God took things away from me and I knew, deep down,  it was due to the choices I have made.

Voice: how do you raise your kids?
Me: The best way I know how.
Voice: Do you try to correct them?
Me: yes,
Voice: Does they listen?
Me: sometimes,
Voice: and if they don't listen?
Me: I punish them.
Voice: And if they still don't listen?
Me: I have to let him make the mistake and hope they learns from.... Oh God how could I be so blind?
Voice: It's ok, Now lets get you back where you should be.

     This song is a result of sitting down and being honest with God, Letting him know, letting me know, that I need Him.
    To break the song down it is saying that I (we) need God when we wake up in the morning. (verse 1)  We need him as we go through out our day to guide us. (verse 2) We need him at the end of the day to hold us in the alone tired time of the end of the day. (verse 3)

We are all equal in Christ,
Todd Marett

Rage

Trying hard to fight this rage  inside of me,
I know its you that sets me free.
This world is dim but i can see
The light you give that keeps reminding me.

Voice In My Head

Voice: What's your problem?
Me: I can't do this, it's too much.
Voice: What the heck are you talking about?
Me: This temptation, it's too strong for me!
Voice: You mean Lust?
Me: Yes, It's KILLING me! I'm not strong enough to fight this!
Voice: No you aren't.
Me: What! What are you setting me up to fail?
Voice: No.
Me: Then What's the deal?
Voice: It's not your fight.
Me: Everywhere I look,
Voice: It's not your fight.
Me: I am Tempted!
Voice: It's not your fight!
Me:  It's too much!
Voice: IT'S NOT YOUR FIGHT!!
Me: Huh?
Voice: It's not your fight!
Me: But I'm the one living this life.
Voice: It's not your fight.
Me: So I don't fight it, I just let it go?
Voice: Now you're getting the point.
Me: It's not that easy.
Voice: No, it's not.
Me: Why?
Voice: Because you won't let me help you.
Me: How can you help.
Voice: If I give you food, Do you eat?
Me: Heck yeah! By the way, a steak would be great right now!
Voice: Yeah funny, Not on your pay.
Me: yeah about that...
Voice: No! I put you there, there you stay till the right time.
Me: Dang it.
Voice: Do I give you drink and you drink it?
Me: Can I have a Co...
Voice: ANSWER THE QUESTION!
Me: Yes Sir.
Voice: Do I give you a Bible and you read it?
Me: YES SIR!
Voice: Every day?
Me: Yeah man!
Voice: EVERY DAY?
Me: Well most days, Yeah.
Voice: So if I give you food and drink every day,
Me: Coke and Steak would be nice...
Voice: You eat it and feed your body for strength, right?
Me: Yes Sir.
Voice: But if I give you my Word to Feed the strength of your soul, You don't eat it everyday?              That is why you are weak.
Me: so If I read The Bible, You will give me strength to fight my lust?
Voice: now you are catching on.
Me: Prove it.
Voice: Got a Bible?
Me: On my Phone.
Voice: Yeah, We will talk about that phone later.
Me: Dang it!
Voice: Read Ephesians 5:25-29
(after reading)
Me: WOW! So if I love my wife like you love me, it will get easy for me?
Voice: Now you are getting it.
Me: So If I love You, then my wife, I will have the Strength to fight this?
Voice: Bingo! We have a winner!!!!
Me: Thanks Man.
Voice: You're welcome.

Disapointment

I can't tell you how many times I have been disappointed or even worse, how many times I have disappointed others. The more I learn about Christ, the more I realize that people should not disappoint us. Not that they or we will make the right choices if we are in God, but If Christ is our first mark then whatever happens to us will be minuscule. I really think this is how Paul was able to handle his hard times, how Job was able to remain faithful, and... how Christ was able to face our beating and death.

heart for the Father,
Todd

p.s. please leave comments

Stay or Go

One day I was sitting in A church, really searching for where God wanted me and my family to be. I was praying and asking God if I should be here (leading Worship) or if I needed to go.
I have wanted to lead worship for a long time, but I am not sure if that is what God wants me to do. was I was in God's will or mine. I got my answer for that church but I am still searching for what God wants me to do with my music.
In the love of God, Todd

Why I write what I write.

The songs I write are my prayers to God. I started writing them down and the melody just comes to me. I sing them with the love of believing that one person, who feels the same will see that they are not alone. I felt so alone for a long time and i remember the feeling of relief I felt when I discovered that there were others that felt like me.
I now had prayers written down and tunes in my head, I had to find away to get them out. I bought a guitar for $100.00 and began to learn where ever I could. through several set backs and self doubt, I never let myself quit. Dyslexia and depression tried to keep reminding me that I was useless. Then I ran across a book written by Mark Hall of Casting Crowns, Life Songs. It changed my life and helped me to walk away from my fear. I have learned to play guitar, taught myself basic music theory, and in the process realized I could play the piano!
I still study and learn every day. As I grow stronger as a musician, I grow closer to God.

Love for the Father,
Todd

p.s. please leave a comment, thanks!